end

i am a fool for u.
and i know u see me as a fool.
everyday is a day for me questioning if i am ready to let go of my dreams of u.
when u thought of turning u down, made me look like a bad bitch.
but when i thought of u pushing me aside, made me look worthless.
hating u hurt but loving u is worse
why am i being so nice to u
i needed u
but things just don't work out for both of us because of this one sided feelings.
just one door unopened.
in the end, u have always been my ideal.
i would turn u down when u need me the most, but i am selfish.
i want to hurt u like u hurt me but i want to hold u.
but u wouldn't even bother.
its worthless to u.
loving supposed to be easy.
maybe it would be easier with the right person.
i want u to be the right person.

lo0p

it is a cycle. u left me hanging and came back to reach me with apologies.
either u did not meant it at all or u just felt the burning guilt just find an ease.
on the other hand, it is me who has always waiting for u patiently.
telling myself i should not complain from this thirst.
i thought it would be easier to love u if i am sincere.
i am sincere with all my heart and soul.
but somehow today, i just want to quit.
all the pain from before i have been holding back because it was the pain of missing and loving u.
then now i wish that i never had meet u.
these are the knots in my chest struggling to feel ease.
i do not have to be a fool to u anymore.
make myself believe that love should not this painful.
if this is love, then never mind. i could leave this.
i could not take it anymore.
because i have so much love to give but it feels like u are holding me down under the sea.
why do u refuse to take this love and just go with the flow?
u do not even gave me a chance.
i would be there for u if u need someone.
i will give u my shoulder if u need a lean.
i would look into your eyes and whisper everything will be alright.
i would be the source of warmth to u.
i would. and i want too. badly.
but u are hesitating and it is suffocating.
it is worthless to u, after all.
this one sided feeling. never gravitate a person like u to me.
u are deep but shallow to me.
i am mad. frustration. irritation.
why can not u just let me in and be the one?
if i give in to the next apology from u, i know what i put myself into.
it will always be an endless loop. just to get close to u.
and left hanging, again.

seed

when my friends ask me how are we now
i couldn't help but smile
i am positive we are there
but we are pretty bit a back
and probably you will going to leave me again
for another 3 days
and you came back with an apology
i would be mad but i couldn't
i even strained myself from my passive aggressive self for u
i do not want to hurt u while u were hurting me
but baby
trust me
i do not want u to leave me again
stay

we could be a forever