transition - university

Haven't write for a long time as I don't know what to write down here. But, hey, I just entered uni life. Scary or not, face it. The feeling of being a foreign trying to adapt the strange, new environment, well, this is it.

I am currently in my semester 0, a short semester contented with 2 subjects ; Foundation of English and Basic Mathematics. Three days in a week. So much spare time and it is somehow should be something to be grateful or not because my friends who have been in other uni have started semester 1 and their schedule's are packed.

Now, it is Ramadan. Of course, I miss home, who don't? I really want to eat Ibu's cooking rather than the cafeteria's who just hoping for income. Oh well, Ayah told me to be 'comfortable' there. Gosh. Fret not, disappointed aside, my first iftar this year was with Ayah in a hotel buffet. I ate a lot there, my appetite grown back the day before Ramadan started as I lost completely my desire of eating as I moved here, well, several days before moving to uni, Nervous, perhaps.

I have 3 room mates. 2 double deck beds. Mine is the above as I came the last to the room. I sighed as I should climb up and down and it was hard. But, I am fine since I got the fan so that I wouldn't sleep in sweat-pool. Speaking of grateful, my room mates are okay. Well, can't expect them to be like me but yeah, I can accept them. They keep the room clean is already what I needed as I came across others' room, eh, well, it was not a disaster but yeah.

I want KFC, Kari-Kari Rangup. haha. We missed sahur for the first time, on our 11th day of Ramadan. I am hungry. Eating, I can't be picky here although I admit that I am actually still a bit picky. Instant noodles, always. I remember I used to feel as if it is a sin eating another instant noodles the day after you already had one. I now, I still have the feeling of guilt. I mean, I could cook here by myself and serve everyone here if they give the students 'kitchen dorm'. I could live here happily for several years to come if I cook myself great dishes. I miss cooking.


Oh well, Asar just entered. And I am waiting for my laundry to dry up on the hanging. I just hand washed them. Using the machine costs RM 2.50 for one hour and a half, i guess.

Last week, I had my first movie experience. I was with the other girls in a car, well, 12 girls with 2 cars. We watched an horror movie which, yes, I banned for my entire life, but I couldn't resist. I was not the only one who doesn't want to watch it but anyway, it was the experience that I want to gain. And serve myself. I had nightmares for two days. Gosh. That would be the last one and I'll be watching 'Finding Dory' next. All the girls now know that I am not a big fan of that genre and it was fine. They respect me.

Now Playing - Stuck on the Puzzle, Alex Turner.

I was feeling alright on the few days after started uni, trust me, confidently. But, yesterday, I started to feel insecure. I want to tear down right now. I feel not special somehow. I feel down. I don't know why. I hate this. I know that I am good myself and I am alright, was. But, I am sure this 'bulge' would melt with time. I HOPE. I know that I would be fine.

Anyway, that's it. My moving here as a uni student. Freshman.

feel like- good

Avoir envie de,

I received a reply from someone I needed to give some help. Alhamdulillah. I don't know, call me sensitive and sentimental, I cried. I know that I needed help but I kept running away as if the problem would just dissolved by time. I feel thankful.

So, I should be grateful for what I was given because what I have is something that is for me, not for anyone else. Everyone was given different results but it was the best for them, by their own way. Now, I know that what I had as a result is good for me, it may not be good for someone else but it's good for me. belit tak?

But in the other way, I have to choose my path that He gave for me, not for someone else. I succeed my own way, and I could do better by time. I just really wanted to make my parents happy because eventually that would make me happier. They had helped me through everything and I don't want to leave them half way because this is not the the end, but to move forward. I'll keep trying ♥

"The more reasons you have to do something, the easier it gets in the future when you're facing something tough."-AH, thank you.

transition- after SPM

It's been 4 months after SPM 2015. A lot of changes happened in a short period of time. At first, it feels weird for not getting ready for school in the morning after subuh prayer. I remember the hectic, rush morning for not ironing my clothes at night before bed. Ugh. Before bed? I had tuition and I'd be home about 11 p.m. and I have homework that was due tomorrow, so, I didn't finish any of my homework. HAHA. After all, when I arrived at my class, I'll sit at my table and do my homework as fast as I can because as a prefect, (ashamed of not doing my homework) I have to do my morning duty. Whatever it is, homework never done. I'll just copy my friends'. HAHA guilt.

Some of my friends now have started working and happy because of money they'll get while I just cringe. I don't work. I want to, but I don't have transportation yet so, I am still in a progress of having my driving licence. YAY. But BOO that I don't have money.

Seriously, life after SPM sucks. Every school students' dream. I used to dream of the freedom of not doing my homework and I could drive anywhere I could go, travelling and such. Just one thing, money. And you'll be tired of not doing anything, depression.

I have books that I bought before SPM but I didn't touch it. I got sick by just looking at them. I could not read. I can't stand reading. But, last week, I, successfully finished Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die and I never be so happy of that victory of fighting laziness in me. YAY. And I seriously love that book. I had read The Alchemist from Paulo Coelho when I was 15, and it was great too. Sense of refreshment, thinking back about what I am going to do with my life. I want to have a better life so, I'll work for it. 

Friends from school. Ugh. They thought everything is going to be the same. No, my amigo. You have to move on. we're not going to meet everyday like we used to and it is fine. Relax, we are still friends. And, I am tired of reading tweets and Instagram caption of  "everything -now- is different, i -know -you -don't -need -me -anymore-can't- move- forward". Hey, even though everything has changed, you will always be classified as friends and everyone now have their own life. And you have your own life. Okay? anything, just Whatsapp me and don't complain about "everything -now- is different, i -know -you -don't -need -me -anymore-can't- move- forward".

Life is about moving forward and past is past, experience. Kalau tak, bila nak maju?

After that, UPU. Ugh. Pressure. I thought of architecture. But, there is side of me say "I don't know''. 

At first, I didn't want to go for Kolej Matrikilasi, but now, I think the college is like giving the second chance, and for those who doesn't know about what to further their studies. So, if I get the chance, I'll go and I'll fight my best, again. Pray for me.

So, I think that's it that I could share. There's nothing really.

"Life was always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act."

CAT-NAPPERS ARE REAL

I just lost Nova this morning, bummer. After 3 days away from home to Kuantan and Kuala Lumpur, Bingo, Maya and Nova were still together and I never be so relieved. Last night at 11.30 p.m. something, I came to check them at the back of the kitchen, Nova was still there eating and drinking. She did not stop sneezing though and it was so cute of her. I woke up this morning, Ibu told me Nova is missing and I could not believe her so I checked the whole house probably she was hiding in the closet here I usually found her when we lost the kittens (and Bingo). I checked the house next door and EVERYWHERE, crying (embarrassment). Frustration. Where are you Nova?

Please don't take away someones' cats as our cats are actually apart of our family. How it feels like if someone took away your precious ones and they are not even someone to you? it's totally wholesome fucked up. CATNAPPERS ARE REAL DEAL.

Hope she's fine.